Slip-sliding away

Geez, it's so easy to slide back into old patterns, unhealthy routines.  I get so caught up in whatever I'm doing at the moment, I lose sight of what I SHOULD be doing.  I sit here snacking on a bag of peppermint muddybuddies and next thing you know, the bag is mostly empty.

I love that shiny sink, but I have been too lazy to do the dishes at night. Maybe not lazy, but distracted.  Last night I spent hours organizing 3 "organizers" that I've collected over the last 20 years - drawers of files, paper, desk items such as paper clips, etc. - in an attempt to get them down to ONE organizer.  So I have a sink-full of dishes, plus the big pan from 2 nights ago... or was it 3?  I'm already sucking at this "single parent" thing and I've only been dong it for 3 weeks.

BUT!  I've made my bed every day! Maybe if I post pictures, I'll be more inclined to do stuff?  IDK.

I'm almost done with the organizer things, so then I'll be able to get them out of the kitchen and re-purpose them.

Another try

I've been trying to FLY for a long time. Some times I am more successful than others but the fact remains that I want to try. Now that I am not under his thumb anymore, I'm also (mostly) done looking for and craving his acceptance and approval. I'm cleaning on purpose for ME and my kids. Not because anyone is going to stop by or he is expecting it. I'm doing it for me.

Flybaby Reporting For Duty!

So, what are my goals for the day?

• Fold all the laundry
• Do the dishes
• Change my sheets
• Clean my room
• Clean the bathroom

Ready to F.L.Y!!!!  Yay me!!!

digging out

So, I had to go out of town unexpectedly last week, and then came home with my MSA (mysterious stomach ailment) that had me in bed another 2 days – meanwhile, my house was falling apart and it was just making me feel worse.

But then, as I was walking through the house, I realized that even with it messy, it was still 1000% better than it had been, and that even with it messy, I’d still let a friend come over.   SO maybe my concept of messy has changed.  This morning, it took me about an hour but I got my kitchen cleaned up FROM THANKSGIVING and hubby having reign over the kitchen for the duration.  It didn’t take that long, and it wasn’t as hard as I expected it would be.  The stove is shiny, the sink is shiny.  The dishes are ALL clean.

The laundry was handled with 2 loads.

My bathroom is still shiny, though it could use a sweep.

My bedroom and the living room, though, are collecting clutter and I’ll try and work on that today.

My mind is distracted so it’s hard to not see the problem areas everywhere I look – I’m so afraid that the clutter is going to take over again.  I know the slippery slope that is – getting overwhelmed and giving up. So I’m trying to fight back.  It’s just hard in the mental state I’m in.

So, my accomplishments today:

• made hubby’s lunch
• weighed in on wii.
• breakfast for the kids.
• homework for the kids.
• dishes are all washed
• kitchen is washed down
• laundry is working

next up

• lunch for kids
• dinner planned
• switching around living room and in-depth vacuuming
• vacuum hallway, crevices too.
• straighten up bags of clothes in my room, in-depth vacuuming
• swish & swipe the bathroom.

strangeness

It’s a strange feeling – pretty alien to me – that my house is now, finally, company ready.  Like, I don’t have to panic if someone rings my bell.  Seriously – it’s strange.

and nice.

No idea if I can keep it like this, but I guess if I want to continue my life with my family as it is, I have to.  Of course, it’s worth it… but can my depression allow me to see past the mess when they make a mess?  Can I make myself SEE that it can be cleaned up again? Or will old habits fall back into place? 

I’m thinking of posting a a series of pictures each week to prove my house is clean.

Then again, since I can’t really be relied upon to do anything with certainty, I don’t know that that would work either.

I *do* know that if I let things go back to the way they were, he’ll leave me – us – and we’ll be in trouble.

Today’s accomplishments:

• weighed in w/wii
• swept and washed the kitchen floor
• cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom, washed the floor
• lunch is next.

Tuesday 11/16

Well, I guess I was pretty busy yesterday.  With everything that I accoplished during the morning, and then in the afternoon - we finished up cleaning out our hallway, with the exception of the homeschool closet, which is in DESPERATE need of a good, thorough decluttering - but will have to wait for now.  The oldest 2 kids and I went to a 4-H dinner last night and then when we got home, it was time for bed, thanks to a new bedtime their father has imposed.  I went to bed at 9 and was up at 4:15a.  :/

Today, the entire day will be spent cleaning my bedroom, which is a repository for everything else in the house with nowhere to go.  A large portion of it is clothes that no longer fit my children that had originally been going into a yard sale that never happened.  But I just found out about a program called thredUP that lets you trade your kids clothes that they've grown out of for other clothes that they will fit into. So I'm hoping to make use of THAT while getting rid of some of the clutter. The link I just provided is an affiliates link, so if you sign up for your free account, I get $3. Just letting you know :)

In any case, I'm hoping my FLYBABY buddy, angel, will be online to help me fly without overdoing things.  I miss her. :(

I'll check back later when I've accomplished more than making hubby's lunch and my coffee.

monday

It's simply amazing how the simplest routies will fall to the wayside if you skip a day or two.  Just blogging my accomplishments felt like it was already a routine - and then, I didn't do it Saturday or Sunday and now, here it is, 2pm on MOnday and I still hadn't blogged.  Blah.

I was able to keep up with the two clean rooms during the weekend.  Although I noticed how fast the empty spaces fill up, and it's so frustrating.  My oldest son and I really worked hard on those rooms and we don't want them falling back into a shambles again.  So he purposely made sure to pick up whenever he went into the living room, and I kept the kitchen table and counters clear.  It is a struggle, to be sure.

Today, I've:

• worked for a couple of hours on a logo for a friend. Finally mailed it to her, and although it  was exactly what she wanted, she's decided to go in a slightly different direction.  But at least she liked it.
• weighed in with wii fit, but didn't work out - another thing that fell aside when I didn't do it on the weekend.
• had breakfast 
• took vitamins & st. john's wort
• called about our dead modem, something hubby's been nagging me to do for weeks.
• called about a clinic that I can go to for my depression issues
• Did school with the kids.
• Have run the washer, and already folded and put away clothes from dryer.
• made lunch
• we have 4H tonight and a special dinner with them, so I don't have to make dinner here.
• wrote a product review
• washed the walls in the hall way, and son vacuumed it.  Also cleared the clothes out from there, 
• and emptied a box of miscellaneous.
• emptied a tote bag I'd brought back from a trip IN AUGUST.
• working with the timer, 15 on, 15 off.

I REALLY need to get a handle on my emotions, as I can see it's causing unhealthy eating and destructive behavior - and if I can see it, my kids probably can too.  It is just so hard when it hurts so much.
It's 2:15.

hurt and anger

I've started out the day with both.  I think it's going to be a LONG day
So far, I've:

• made a loaf of bread in the bread machine
• mad breakfast for me& and the kids
• read a book to DD
• finally made a pediatrician appt for my oldest
• called old ped. to get records switched.
• worked out for 20 min on wii fit
• no water yet. 

it's 10:00 - been up since 4:45.  Feeling like I'm behind a bit. :/  Neck is stll kiling me. KEYbbOARD NEDS ITS ASS KICKED.

• took my vitamins & st. john's - need to remember that on a daily basis.
• cleared 2 more counters in the kitchen
• washed them down top to bottom
• cleaned my stove top and hood
• emptied the dishwasher and reloaded
• washed the dishes that wouldn't fit.
• made lunch
• blogged

It's 2:10pm and the kitchen is ALMOST done.

• washed the kitchen floor - it hadn't been done since MARCH.
• put dinner on - homemade beef stew
• put another loaf of bread in the bread machine, since the kids ate most of the 1st
• scrubbed the stove rings (those things that the burners go in)
• finally cleaned off the table  - the biggest hotspot in the kitchen.

It's 3:50. I'm feeling accomplished today.  The kitchen actually echos now, since all the junk is gone.  It's nice - it's clean.  I can HAVE MY NEIGHBOR OVER!  WOOHOO!

When ya coming for coffee, Angel?! :D

Today's Progress

So...
What did I manage today?
I cleaned my bedroom and put away laundry and folded some.  I cleaned up the front room and straightened up the master bath.

I have not yet worked out

I have not done any stupid hustling or even looked at craigslist or anything else.

I have told myself that I'm great with my son and I deserve the absolute adoration he lavishes on me.

YAY ME!

sore

woke up this morning with some serious pain in my neck and arm. I have herniated discs in my neck and one of them is definitely stressing out today.  I can't hardly pick anything up. :(

My accomplishments today:

• worked on a graphic for a friend for 2 hours - only it was totally not what she wanted. 
• made breakfast for me & the kids.
• read about Venus with them, as we're studying the planets.
• worked out on wii fit for 20 minutes.

Haven't done any housework yet, mostly because I can't raise my arm or turn my head without extreme pain. Don't know how I'm supposed to explain THAT to the hub. :/

11:30am.

Well, for the rest of the day, I did ok.  Still in lots of pain, though, so I took longer breaks than I should have. Eh.

• Made lunch for the kids and I.
• Washed the walls, counter tops and cupboard doors in the kitchen.
• Decluttered 3 of the counters, swept. 
• washed the dishes
• made dinner (2 different ones, actually) for everyone 

going now to wash the dinner dishes and SHINE MY SINK. :)

New me... new Goals

So... goals... I'm setting goals... Yippee fucking doo da...


Goal one- Keep my three rooms clean.  Clean daily.

Goal two- Work out 5 days a week

Goal three- No stupid hustling... if you need something to do... ask somebody... somebody ALWAYS needs something

Goal four- Say something nice to myself everyday

annnnnnd we're back.

Today, I've

• vacuumed the living room - at least the parts that are now free of stuff.
• scrubbed the crayon off 2 of the walls.
• had breakfast
• drank a glass of water, am working on #2.
• helped DD read.
• played a board game that she made.
• Did 15 minutes on wii fit.

This is 11:30am.

• Continued with the living room. Just one section left!
• made lunch for the kids
• updated this blog!
• had another glass of water.
• worked in 15 minute increments!

This is 1:15.