oops

Ok, I lost a pound LOL

Look mom, I'm A fish!

I drank 96 ounces of water yesterday. 96 OUNCES!!! I peed every 30 seconds. I had 10 carbs. ALL FREAKIN DAY.

I didn't lose an ounce.

I'm NOT happy.

I carted 7 loads of laundry back & forth across the street through the snow.

I did my dishes, shined my sink.

I vacuumed my room and folded and put away those 7 loads of clothes.

Not a friggin ounce.

GRRRRRRRR.

GODDAMN GODDESS

So, the closer we get to my birthday, the more i freak out. i DO NOT want to turn 29. i feel like i'm about ready to be put out to pasture. This is some sort of stupid mental block i have. i know plenty of women in their 40s and 50s i find incredibly hot and sexy. The last woman i had in my bed was 36 and she was steaming hot. i do not feel this way about other women, but for myself... Oh fuck it.

Anyway, i have decided that instead of my normal approach of whining, crying, and having a nervous breakdown, i am GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. No, i can't change my age, but i CAN change how i feel about it. So this year, i am going to work on all the things that make me feel bad about myself. i am going to look forward to my 30th birthday, because after a year of hard work i am going to be a goddamn goddess.

Watch and see.

for the first time in a long time,

I am grateful for a new year! In the past, I've only looked at how lousy the previous year was and figured, well, great - another year to screw up in. I always felt like a slob. I don't feel like that anymore. Sure, my house still falls apart, but it's so much easier to pick it back up again. My kids and hubby are helping (sometimes) and that is SUCH a big boost for me. I am psyched. I took a bit of a vacation from my healthy eating habits in December, although our meals were almost always still healthy, all the extra crap (candy) was there and kept me from losing an ounce. I didn't gain, but I sure didn't lose. So now, all the candy is gone, except for the stuff I don't eat anyways (candy canes - yuck!) and I feel stronger again. I'm ready for 2006 and ready to hit my next goal of 180 by my birthday (March 12th for those of you wonderful readers who want to send gifts, money, etc!) lol I think I can do it, and I KNOW I will try!

As for you, my partner in crime - I'm SO PROUD OF YOU! Your change of attitude is what will get you through this. You've had a setback but you're not crying about it, you're DOING SOMETHING! Woohoo! Hopefully by the time we meet in March, I'll be at my goal and you will be closer to yours! *BIG HUGS*

New Year, New Dedication

So, here it is 2006. i am in such a good mood because all things are possible. For the first time ever i understand why everyone makes such a fuss about the new year. i feel like i have a brand new canvas to paint my life on.
Here are my resolutions for 2006.
1) Appreciate what i have more. Instead of focusing on what's wrong, learn to focus on what is RIGHT. And, that's a hell of a lot.

2) Stick to a healthier pattern of eating and exercising. i know i cannot be perfect all the time, and that its important to treat myself now and then. But, i also know i have to make a LIFESTYLE change. i made great strides with this in 2005. In 2006 i plan to move forward with this. Refining, replacing, and finding a lifestyle that works for me.

3) Continue my work on laying my past to rest and finding peace from it at last.

4) Bring order and routine to my life to increase my sense of stability and security. FLY routines, set bedtime and rise times, habits and self reliance.

There we go. This year, i am going to learn to soar.