strangeness

It’s a strange feeling – pretty alien to me – that my house is now, finally, company ready.  Like, I don’t have to panic if someone rings my bell.  Seriously – it’s strange.

and nice.

No idea if I can keep it like this, but I guess if I want to continue my life with my family as it is, I have to.  Of course, it’s worth it… but can my depression allow me to see past the mess when they make a mess?  Can I make myself SEE that it can be cleaned up again? Or will old habits fall back into place? 

I’m thinking of posting a a series of pictures each week to prove my house is clean.

Then again, since I can’t really be relied upon to do anything with certainty, I don’t know that that would work either.

I *do* know that if I let things go back to the way they were, he’ll leave me – us – and we’ll be in trouble.

Today’s accomplishments:

• weighed in w/wii
• swept and washed the kitchen floor
• cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom, washed the floor
• lunch is next.

Tuesday 11/16

Well, I guess I was pretty busy yesterday.  With everything that I accoplished during the morning, and then in the afternoon - we finished up cleaning out our hallway, with the exception of the homeschool closet, which is in DESPERATE need of a good, thorough decluttering - but will have to wait for now.  The oldest 2 kids and I went to a 4-H dinner last night and then when we got home, it was time for bed, thanks to a new bedtime their father has imposed.  I went to bed at 9 and was up at 4:15a.  :/

Today, the entire day will be spent cleaning my bedroom, which is a repository for everything else in the house with nowhere to go.  A large portion of it is clothes that no longer fit my children that had originally been going into a yard sale that never happened.  But I just found out about a program called thredUP that lets you trade your kids clothes that they've grown out of for other clothes that they will fit into. So I'm hoping to make use of THAT while getting rid of some of the clutter. The link I just provided is an affiliates link, so if you sign up for your free account, I get $3. Just letting you know :)

In any case, I'm hoping my FLYBABY buddy, angel, will be online to help me fly without overdoing things.  I miss her. :(

I'll check back later when I've accomplished more than making hubby's lunch and my coffee.

monday

It's simply amazing how the simplest routies will fall to the wayside if you skip a day or two.  Just blogging my accomplishments felt like it was already a routine - and then, I didn't do it Saturday or Sunday and now, here it is, 2pm on MOnday and I still hadn't blogged.  Blah.

I was able to keep up with the two clean rooms during the weekend.  Although I noticed how fast the empty spaces fill up, and it's so frustrating.  My oldest son and I really worked hard on those rooms and we don't want them falling back into a shambles again.  So he purposely made sure to pick up whenever he went into the living room, and I kept the kitchen table and counters clear.  It is a struggle, to be sure.

Today, I've:

• worked for a couple of hours on a logo for a friend. Finally mailed it to her, and although it  was exactly what she wanted, she's decided to go in a slightly different direction.  But at least she liked it.
• weighed in with wii fit, but didn't work out - another thing that fell aside when I didn't do it on the weekend.
• had breakfast 
• took vitamins & st. john's wort
• called about our dead modem, something hubby's been nagging me to do for weeks.
• called about a clinic that I can go to for my depression issues
• Did school with the kids.
• Have run the washer, and already folded and put away clothes from dryer.
• made lunch
• we have 4H tonight and a special dinner with them, so I don't have to make dinner here.
• wrote a product review
• washed the walls in the hall way, and son vacuumed it.  Also cleared the clothes out from there, 
• and emptied a box of miscellaneous.
• emptied a tote bag I'd brought back from a trip IN AUGUST.
• working with the timer, 15 on, 15 off.

I REALLY need to get a handle on my emotions, as I can see it's causing unhealthy eating and destructive behavior - and if I can see it, my kids probably can too.  It is just so hard when it hurts so much.
It's 2:15.